atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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