his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
