Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
