I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
The struggles of a small town man whore
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
