I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
