don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
