I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
