Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
