I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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