you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Of course I have a pirate flag
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
