The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I think my moral compass just broke
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
