Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
When are your genitals available?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
