I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
