yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
