Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
