I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
