Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
