my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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