Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
it was like having sex with a tree stump
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
