so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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