well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize