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I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I wear drunk well.
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