meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
