he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
