Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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