true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
