There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
