Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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