is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
