dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Randomize
