Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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