everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
