rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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