yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
