I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
