I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
...so i touched it.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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