these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize