Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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