my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize