I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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