last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
