just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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