i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
