Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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