Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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