He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize