Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
