come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
im holly from the hills drunk
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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