dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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