dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
