i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
