I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
