she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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