my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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