You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
