I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
