He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
