Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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