This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
