You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Randomize
