Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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