Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
