We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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