Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You need Xanax blowdarts
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
