Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(515): View more from Iowa

So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...

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(585): View more from New York

she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over

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(919): View more from North Carolina

It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.

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(804): View more from Virginia

He likes Jesus. Game over.

(804): View more from Virginia

Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail

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(919): View more from North Carolina

Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.

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(763): View more from Minnesota

Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.

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(585): View more from New York

You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….

(716): View more from New York

...Then...

(585): View more from New York

Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one

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(919): View more from North Carolina

I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...

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