someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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