You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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