Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
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