we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
