My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
he shaved USA in his pubs
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
